I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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