So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Boobs are out for the taking
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
