ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Sorry my hands just texted you
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
