It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
