Hey man sorry I got all grabby
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
