someone get that fucking seahorse.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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