She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
