Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I love having hate sex.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
