i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
