we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
one might say we're banned from that church
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
