He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I want her autograph on my taint
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize