FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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