OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
