I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
