The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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