You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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