my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
