i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
