Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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