I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
