We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
