I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
