shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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