What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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