Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
