just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
