If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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