I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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