Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
