When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
