so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
