...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
we're so committed to being not committed
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
