the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize