It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
