the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
