Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
i think im in europe. pls send help
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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