Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
