I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize