I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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