It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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