If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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