based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
