im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
