he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
