I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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