he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
