If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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