I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Never joke about your clitoris.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
