i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
