Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
