plz talk dirty to me
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
