I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
