I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
