I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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