Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
