Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
