shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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