Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
