he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
