it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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