Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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