You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
