I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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