ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
