I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
