So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize