I am in a vortex of obligation.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
