two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
