You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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