I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
