Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
