His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
